Leaving Losing
by MyMagentaPeach
Summary: 4X14 FILLER: Kurt does not rush out of the hotel room.


**Disclaimer: **The days will come that I own something wonderful. I don't own Glee though.

**A/N: **Ever since I wrote **In Between You and Me** I have known that there are other versions of that night I want to write. This is one of those. **Pionaskateboard**, for you, for being so utterly wonderful to me.

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**Leaving Losing  
**

Kurt breaks into tears right there and then, sudden, harsh, and to Blaine, to Blaine surprising.

Blaine does not know what to do. _'Let go of Kurt's shoulders? Hold on tighter?' _He knows what he wants to do.

Blaine wants to wrap his arms around his ex-boyfr…, around his Kurt, and make the tears go away.

That used to work.

On days worst, for almost two years, Blaine would just wrap Kurt up in his arms, warm, tight, and hold on until _'…until you were okay again, sometimes happy even.'_

Somehow Blaine knows, _'It is not that simple anymore.'_

And so they stand there in front of that damn mirror, both motionless, Kurt's eyes still tearing and bored into the floor now, Blaine hoping for Kurt to meet his gaze again.

Blaine's hands are starting to hurt with how still he has kept them on Kurt's shoulders, for minutes now, "Kurt?"

Kurt's deep stuttering breath before looking back up vibrates through all of Blaine's body, the two of them standing so close.

"Please tell me," Blaine tries his best to sound gentle, not hurt, not demanding or angry. Blaine is not angry.

Neither is Kurt, "Of course it means something. You…," Kurt chokes on his tears, "you'll always mean …, you have never not mattered to me, Blaine. Never, not a single day since we met."

"Kurt," Blaine hums in his softest voice, "why are you crying though? Are you, do you regret all of it, all we shared today?"

"Blaine," and Kurt is looking down again.

So Blaine moves between him and the mirror, glides with his left hand gently only half under the collar of Kurt's dress-shirt, against Kurt's collarbone and neck, where the shirt is still not fully buttoned up again, their skin warm against each other's. It is a gesture Kurt had always loved, told Blaine once it makes him feel so very close to Blaine, even fully clothed like he is too right now.

On especially bad days at McKinley they had often snuck away into a stolen corner somewhere and just touched in a way so innocent, eyes closed and foreheads resting together, just needing to feel the comfort of each other's skin, alive and warm against their own.

Kurt lets out another deep breath, shuddering this time. "It's too much."

Blaine's hand is gone like he has been burned. "Us?"

"Us."

"You, you really don't want to get back together, Kurt. Do you?"

And Blaine sounds more confused than hurt, and that really is the worst part to Kurt. "I love you, Blaine. You know that, right?"

Blaine just nods, trying hard to not look away as Kurt searches out his eyes now. It is a wet murmur, "Love you, Kurt."

"I …, Blaine. I love you so much, but, I'm too scared."

"Scared," Blaine echoes. "Of …me?"

"Blaine, Baby, no, not of you, but of … of losing it again. Losing us again. I can't do that. Not, not like this, not, not again."

And Blaine wants to argue, wants to say it over and over _'I won't ever do that to you again, not ever,' _and five minutes ago he would have, but he understands too well now, seeing nothing but earnestness in Kurt's eyes. So he finds himself saying instead, "What about when I come to New York? For good."

"I want us to try again, I really want to, but, Blaine, I can't just go back to us. It …, I want it too, but it doesn't feel right, right now, and I cannot tell you I know how it will feel all those months from now, how we will feel about each other then, people change, all the time, Blaine. And that's not a bad thing."

Blaine can only stand there, eyes wide and Kurt can tell _'… wounded.' _

Not because Kurt is mean in any way, but because Blaine, Blaine _'…still believes in happy endings.'_ While Kurt, just cannot feel that certainty anymore, the one he once felt with every look he took at Blaine.

Kurt wipes over his eyes once then starts moving towards the door, whispering brokenly, "I am so sorry, so sorry, I shouldn't have let this get this far, I shouldn't …."

But before Kurt can reach the end of any sentence, or the door, he feels himself being wrapped tightly into a pair of arms he knows so well, a pair of arms he wants nothing more than feel home again in, Blaine's arms, crossing over his chest, "Please don't leave. Not like this. I won't …, we might not see each other again for months if you leave now."

"I see you every night in my dreams," Blaine could swear he hears Kurt whisper.

But Blaine is not going to push it tonight, leaves Kurt the tiny piece of mind he has left to himself. "Kurt, please stay, stay the night with me." And Blaine can feel the sharp intake of breath under his arms, still wrapped tightly around Kurt, Blaine's chest pressed to Kurt's back, body heat slowly building between them.

Kurt does not say a word, he just turns in Blaine's arms, wraps his own around Blaine's shoulders, and buries his face, still wet with tears, in the white of Blaine's plain shirt, breathes in deep.

The tension stays until they are both stripped down to nothing more than boxers again.

Then there is crawling under the covers together and just skin on skin, well, apart from those boxers. And there is holding, holding each other close until there is only warmth to be felt in every corner under the duvet, and eyes watching each other carefully, till now, are drifting shut as limbs settle for the night. One last night?


End file.
